Friends, I had the most wonderful birthday celebration last month. I know I mentioned the thrill of knowing that I'd have a brand new year in my last post, and honestly, 26 has already been treating me SO well. I have more time and opportunities now to really step my game up at work, especially with my students. I have some extremely rough days, make no mistake; public education in Chicago is not what it used to be, it's true. Despite all the chaos, I get there every morning with the goal of trying my best, and accepting that my best will change depending on what the day has in store for me--be it my moods, others' moods, the weather, things going on in the world, etc. All of that (and more) inevitably has a role in how each day plays out, but doing my best depends on my effort alone... and effort means everything.
I am also delighted to say that the self-love movement I recently began in my life has also proved fortuitous. I mentioned that the incredibly profound book that I read, The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, has helped begin a transformation in the way I think, feel and act. I recently finished reading The Four Agreements, another truly miraculous piece of literature from Ruiz. Much like Mastery of Love, The Four Agreements is full of advice that is so simple to understand, yet difficult to implement daily in order to achieve personal freedom. To be truly free is to be free of doubts, illusions and fears that plague our minds--a task that most humans can seemingly never achieve. Each of the four agreements has its own chapter in which Ruiz explains how they can essentially save yourself from suffering internally. They are:
The second agreement, for example, is to never take things that people do or say to you personally. I could not understand at first how this could ever be possible; if someone does something or says something awful or hurtful TO you, how could it not be about you?
But he goes on to explain that according to the Toltec, an ancient civilization from which these agreements came from, this disposition is only hard to carry out because from the moment we are born, we are taught to think, speak and be a certain way that limits true self expression, or the ever-elusive idea of freedom. This is no way means that we should blame our parents or our ancestors; it's what they knew and passed down over the years, so we were taught to be part of the communities/society that we are now. But using the four agreements when people blow up in our faces, or when particular people have a constant negative vibe surrounding them, can bring us some peace of mind in knowing that everyone is just living in their illusions, in their own dreams. We have the choice, however, to make that dream our personal hell or our personal heaven.
I've been trying my best to implement these agreements not only at work, but also in the relationships that make up my life. However, it is MUCH harder to practice these daily than I anticipated.... and that's okay. Our society isn't as simple as it was for the Toltec--could you imagine these spiritual shamans staying zen in the line at Target on a Sunday? There are many, many distracting factors telling us what the definition of love, beauty, and happiness are anytime we turn on the TV or scroll through our timelines on social media. Additionally, we are all born with the tendencies to feel comfort in anger, jealousy, or sorrow, because as humans we are addicted to suffering. Thus, I heed strong warning to fans of instant gratification... though, funnily enough I was always a fan of getting what I wanted, when I wanted it.
What makes me want to uphold these four agreements is that I never really practiced self-control; I gave into instant gratification for most of my life, and hardly anything that I got so easily lasted because I didn't appreciate it enough. More so, I couldn't really understand why I let the inner judge or the pitiful victim that we are all born with run my thoughts until I focused on actually practicing forgiveness, impeccability with my word, and constant self-love. It's easy to take things personally if you are used to having it your way, so this is a reality check that some of us are afraid of admitting we need because we're so set in our ways. Some of you might not really have a need for a frame of mind like this, and that's awesome. I admire your strength. But for those of you who are interested in checking out quite possibly the most honest words I've ever read, I implore you to help yourself grow and flourish into the best person you could ever be.
Again, the hard days are still going to be hard; given the recent political turmoil, society is pretty messy right now, so people are much more angry, confused and sad than normal. But I think it's just part of the ebb and flow of humanity, because if you look at our past, the good times don't last--and thankfully, neither do the bad times. So even though we will be dealing with more wretchedness around us for the next four years, that doesn't mean you can't create a dream in which you love and respect yourself while others are busy hating themselves. You can either give in to the lies and the fear that weak people wish to spread, or you can be secure and happy with yourself so much that you spread the love and honesty that this society so desperately needs. Before you wish to change the minds of others or save the world, first take care of your needs: follow through with your word, stay true to yourself, and you will see that everything else falls into place the way it needs to.
xo
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