Random Sunday musings

Currently it's five degrees outside with a windchill in the negatives. Good ol' Chicago winter! I'm not exactly upset though. After last year's polar vortex, I feel like Chicagoans are some tough motherfuckers and can put up with a lot more than we realize.

....... Still,

Oh well! 

After a great date night yesterday with Jamie, his parents and his grandparents at Sono Wood Fired (it's no Angelo's but damn, I am in LOVE with their pappardelle pasta!), I have been doing my favorite thing to do on the weekends: nothing! I mean, I'm getting some much-needed laundry done right now, but that's already part of my chill Sunday routine...

Anyway, when I'm warm and cozy on a day like today, I can't help but have a bunch of random thoughts floating around that I should probably write out so that I can clear my mind. 

To begin with, I'm obsessed with the concept of the Jedi order and their mission to maintain peace and justice (how is George Lucas not a Libra??). To be able to trust in your feelings but use caution to not let them betray you, and use a zen-like Force to battle the darkness of others is basically like being an empath with super powers. In Lucas' galaxy, I would have definitely been a Jedi--but would probably have faced Anakin's constant temptations of giving into anger. Oops.

But in daydreaming of all that, I've noticed how fascinating the concept of being a Jedi was once Disney took over the Star Wars franchise and created the first female Jedi protagonist. I know feminist and female Star Wars fans were probably like, It was about damn time, but it really does highlight how much box office hits like these make bank when their audience grows to include women. I think I read last year how the inclusion of more female superheroes has done nothing but improve ratings and financial matters for Marvel.

Because when we have characters like Rey, Black Widow, or Jessica Jones, society can finally see on-screen what we've known for centuries: women are badass. We create and carry life, yes, but that's not the only thing that we're here for. We can just as easily kick ass in our daily life, whether or not we're wearing superhero costumes; we have full time jobs while also juggling school, raising a family, and maintaining other hobbies to keep us sane. Stay-at-home moms are just as important as managers, CEOs, artists, musicians, teachers, lawyers, doctors, nursers, waitresses, etc. Seeing more and more women as protagonists in action films and TV shows is but one step towards acceptance of all that women do and deserve, no matter our assigned gender at birth or our socially constructed "race."

Which brings me to my third thought: I love being a woman. Despite all of the craziness I go through once a month, I'm truly blessed to be able to support and empower my girlfriends and anyone else who just needs to be heard or a shoulder to cry on. We bond like we were born to do it, share secrets like they're ancient spells, and love with a strength that can't be measured. And goddamn, can we fight for our beliefs. We may have come a long way from not having basic civil rights, but it's still a pretty tough time to be a woman in society today. Shit, some countries still don't extend those basic rights to their women. So let me just reiterate how blessed I am to have the freedoms I have today.

Above all, as a living and growing human being, I know that everything in the universe has made me what I am today. Within my soul, I feel my intuitions, emotions, dreams, hopes and memories constantly interweaving and defining me. I'm still not entirely sure what I'm meant to do in this life, but I know that my deep affinity for enjoying it can't steer me wrong. As a child, I always ached to be a brilliant little witch like Hermione Granger, and even as an adult I wish I could be a fierce Jedi like Rey and harness the Living Force around us for good. But to be able to create an identity from my past and present and live a life that lets me help others in my own ways is already magic in itself.

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Against all odds

Today I bought my first lottery ticket. I never, ever used to believe in buying them, but with no winner yet announced and the Powerball now reaching $1.5 billion, I thought, Why the hell not?

I have absolutely no luck when it comes to drawings like these, but on the drive home, it got me thinking about how much luck I actually have in other aspects of my life. I've got a strong support system, a full time job, and an able, healthy body and mind that allows me to function every day. I'm really trying not to complain or sweat the small things that bug me, though I can be fairly dramatic at times. Lately I try to tell myself the Maya Angelou quote over and over again until it sticks: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." When I'm driving in the rain and people are driving like brainless zombies, I can still put on my favorite tunes and appreciate the fact that I own my car and don't have to take the bus. When I have tons of pans and dishes to wash after dinner, I remember that at that exact moment, people are struggling to put together a meal for themselves or their families, and many others are going to bed on an empty stomach. When I'm frustrated at my job, I think about how lucky I was to find a teaching job right after graduation, during a time that's extremely difficult to be a teacher in public education.

I wish I could say that I'm always thinking like this, but the truth is that this is a skill I'm beginning to develop and hone. Much like eating healthier and keeping up my exercising regimen, it's something I have to keep pushing forward with because results don't just appear overnight. But I've noticed that little by little, the things that used to bring me down are now opportunities to overcome because I've got the willpower and the physical abilities to overcome them.

I hope you're still on track with whatever resolutions or goals you made for yourself; remember that if you can walk, breathe, talk, and think without needing assistance, you're far more lucky than you can imagine. There are a lot of things that we might blame and say are against us, but at the end of the day, it's really just you that can get you to where you want to be.

Oh, and wish me luck on my lotto ticket..... though, I guess I don't really need it.

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2016: more than just champagne wishes

Now that all the glitz and glamour has worn off of the new year, my mind has finally settled and I can think more clearly on what I want to get out of 2016. I didn't exactly make resolutions; mainly, I have set mini goals that I want to attain as I pace myself throughout this year and the years to come.

To begin with, I really, really need to get back on track with exercising and eating better. I let my first year of teaching drive my anxiety to newer, crazier lengths and I resorted to thinking that I didn't have time for anything else other than work, work work. This isn't, and should never be, the case. You can make time for a quick workout and cooking healthy meals. It all depends on time management and how badly you want to reach your goals.

Speaking of which.... Anxiety. Must. Be. Overcome. Easier said than done when you feel literally every emotion there can possibly be every single day, but as I mentioned above, I need to kick its ass to the curb when my physical and mental well-being is on the line. I don't think I'll be an anxiety-ridden gal come December 31, 2016, but I intend on trying out things like meditation and yoga when I feel like the world is about to end. 

Regarding my relationships and inner being... I need to love better, beginning with myself. I need to love myself more, especially in times when I feel like I could have done this or that better. I'm very tough on myself and tend to be a perfectionist, so continuing to be flexible when things don't go as planned out needs to be a top priority. 

Loving better also requires forgiveness, so besides forgiving myself when I'm not the best, I really need to learn how to let things go when people hurt me--especially if it was unintentionally done. I'm not the best at holding grudges for too long, but I'm also not the best at letting my anger simmer down before I say words I ultimately regret saying 10 minutes later. Pain really does demand to be felt (thanks for that, John Green), and I let that little fucker stay as long as it wants to sometimes so that I can process it on my own and zone out with music or writing. But when it leads to anger, that's just an invitation for more heartache that I blindly accept. So, forgive, Dulce. Forgive, forgive, forgive.

Lastly, I want to keep working at the following so that this heavy heart of mine can feel just a little bit lighter:

Face the things I fear and trust that everything will be all right in the end.

Do whatever I need in order to be happy and not give a fuck about what other people might think.

Cut off anything and anyone that is a constant struggle in my life.

Let my family and friends know how much I appreciate having their love and support.

Boldly, colorfully, and fearlessly live and enjoy my life and the gifts I've received from the Universe. To cultivate a prosperous life is to be grateful with the life that you have, and I intend on loving every beautiful, painful, hilarious, and incredible second of it.

Cheers to 2016. May you live and love without fear.

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